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Mos psychological measures and scales tend to make us think in black-and-white terms, but I like how this adaptation takes the attachment style grid and transforms it into a spectrum for adult attachment. A spectrum allows space for everyone and each of our unique experiences: experiencing more or less relationship-related anxiety, with a greater or lesser likely-hood to manage the difficult parts of being in relationship by avoiding the intimate parts of relationships all together. Instead of having to locate ourselves in 1 of 4 spaces of a quadrant, a spectrum allows for a thousand different individual variations.

Healing Our Attachment Style

Good news: Your attachment style is not permanent! Heathy relationships that weather seasons of rupture and repair (like partnerships with a kind and committed partner or long term work with a relationally oriented therapist) can help us create an “earned secure attachment.” An earned secure attachment is a secure attachment with one particular person, even though our default attachment style might be insecure. Earned secure attachments can help us learn the feeling of secure attachment and grow the capacity to move towards it in other relationships.

 

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