The original version of this illustration was intended as a professional resource, but as Social Distancing entered the global vocabulary and #quarantinewithkids started trending, I wanted to create a resource for parents who are helping kids process the experience of being a kid during a pretty scary time. There is a great visual floating around…
It’s not that social media is good or bad, the real question is: what we are willing to trade for likes, views, and follows? This is a great conversation to have with kids and teens over christmas break: What do they hope to get out of using social media? What will they have to give…
When kids are anxious, it’s human nature to want to soothe them. For kids with significant anxiety, however, we may need to monitor ourselves for over-accommodating behaviors. It’s natural that parents with anxious kids want to soothe them. Watching someone we love struggle can be overwhelming- especially when, at first, it seems so…
It’s normal for parents to worry about kids, as they navigate shared spaces, learning, and the social aspects of growing up. Parents typically find that information can- temporarily, at least- soothe some of their worry. The temptation, then, is to have LOTS of questions for kids at the end of the day, but for kids,…
There is an enormous amount of pressure on parents to keep tabs on everything their teen does- especially online. But a little bit of privacy can be a good thing when it comes to healthy adolescent development. The mall, the skate park, the beach, the drive-in, the soda fountain. These aren’t just spaces where generations…
By now, most counselors, pediatricians, teachers, and other people who work with children know about ACES: The “Adverse Childhood Experiences” scale. ACE’s predict, based on measuring the number of traumatic or adverse events experienced, which kids are likely to struggle developmentally and emotionally as they mature. (You can take the ACES quiz here). What…
Kids who grow up in families where emotional needs are not validated and met often develop a deep sense of internal shame for having needs at all. Over time, in order to cope, many of these kids become adults with little or no capacity to experience their emotions (a symptom associated with alexithymia). Hilary Jacobs…
If you aren’t naming and breaking the cycles that have entangled you, you are participating in them. It’s true in most systems we are part of, but especially in families. Researchers call it intergenerational trauma and have shown that the trauma of a parent is literally passed genetically to offspring (this Simple-Wikipedia article on epigenetics…
There’s a ton of pressure on parents and caregivers to meet every need. Sometimes shame around not being able to do so prevents families from reaching out for the support they need. But here’s the thing- parents aren’t meant to meet every need. You can’t soften every blow or soothe every disappointment- but you can…
When brains experience trauma, they struggle to cope with it. It’s normal- and part of the healing process- to have flashbacks, nightmares, or intrusive thoughts immediately following a traumatic experience. Knowing this and normalizing this matters! Recent research found that kids who believed their response to trauma was bad, wrong, or a sign something was…
Humans have an innate ability to read people, situations, and our environment. If we pay attention, it helps keep us safe and helps us know how to care well for others. But most of us were taught long ago to ignore our body’s cues and “be nice” instead of practicing how to hear and trust…
Research shows that 15-20% of teens self harm. In the past- and still today- self harm has had a reputation of being an “attention-seeking behavior,” but brain science is now showing that for many teens, self-harm is an early warning sign of physical changes occurring in the brain. Kids and teens who self harm…
“Doing something for attention” gets a bad rap. Today, I want to talk a little bit about what that actually means. Doing something for attention has a negative value, but what if we consider another viewpoint? Is doing something for attention actually a bad thing? As a therapist, communication through behavior- especially attention-seeking behavior- is…
