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Relationships

Relationships shape us, change us, and challenge us.

Emerging research indicates that the quality of our relationships can significantly impact our mental health, and with that in mind, I have created a number of illustrated resources to help individuals, couples, and families grow better, more satisfying relationships.

Through our own personal growth, learning to listen well to others, and engage in conflict well, we can all take steps towards helping our relationships become healthier and more supportive.

 

Pink background with the title “Containment.” On the top left of the image, under the title, is a dark pink banner with the word “containment” inside. Underneath the sentence continues, “is key to secure attachments.” There are small circles drawn as a divider, with a bullet pointed list below: “It takes: courage, wisdom, boundaries, self-awareness.” In the top middle of the image is a drawing of a grey cat inside of a tan cardboard box. Underneath is written, “Like cats, we love holding space with boundaries.” An arrow is drawn from this text to the drawing of the cat. Below this is written, “Empathy alone doesn’t contain.” The two words “doesn’t contain” are written inside of a yellow box with black outlining. A third column of text on the right side of the image begins “Containment looks like:” words are highlighted in yellow with a bullet pointed list following, “being able to trust someone: can offer us empathy (word is highlighted in pink), has mental space (word is highlighted in pink) for us, has time (word is highlighted in pink) for us, isn’t distracted (words are highlighted in pink) when they’re with us, and sets and holds clear boundaries (word is highlighted in pink).” At the bottom of the image are two drawings of light-skinned infants, each on a grey circular background. The one on the left is in a pink onesie with arms and legs splayed, crying. The one on the right is wrapped in a yellow sleep sack, sleeping peacefully on a pillow. Between the infants is written “CONTAINMENT comes through attuned care.” An arrow is pointing from the crying infant to the text and from the text to the soothed infant. Image was created by Lindsay Braman with content from The Allender Center.

Understanding How Attunement & Containment Help Form Attachments

Attunement and Containment – along with Rupture and Repair – are key building blocks for relationships that support the formation of healthy attachments. In this article, we’ll dive a little deeper into understanding containment and attunement and how these puzzle pieces fit into the larger concept of forming healthy attachments to the people we care about.

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Mockup image of the internal vs external boundaries PDF printable.

Illustration: Boundaries are Internal & External

External boundaries are where we bump up against each other (like setting boundaries around our time or how we allow others to treat us), while internal boundaries are where we bump up against ourselves in ways that bring dissonance between competing desires (like wanting to take on a new project but knowing we can’t don’t have the resources to complete it). In this illustration, I tease out some of the nuances between internal and external boundaries.

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In the middle of the image is a drawing of two people. The person on the left, who has a tan skin-tone and shorter dark hair, looks concerned and has their arms on the shoulders of the person on the right. The person on the right, who has longer dark hair and a tan skin-tone, is turned away and appears upset. Underneath the two people is a gold banner that reads, “Rupture is inevitable. Repair takes work.”

Illustration: Rupture & Repair Are Key to Attachment in Healthy Relationships

Good attachments take work, and one of the hardest parts of building and maintaining satisfying and supportive relationships is repairing after rupture (i.e. conflict). It’s so hard, and conflict is so often avoided, that many of us have never experienced really good repair – or the way that it can deepen and strengthen our connection and trust with another person. Rupture is inevitable. Repair, however, takes work.

Read More about Illustration: Rupture & Repair Are Key to Attachment in Healthy Relationships