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Ruptures, Disagreements, and Misunderstandings in Therapy

    This simple illustration is meant to be a visual representation of something that can be kind of hard to understand about therapy: it’s okay to not see eye to eye with your therapist. A lot of us began therapy as clients with the expectation that the therapist will be the expert, that they’ll…

Demonstrating Trustworthiness Builds Bridges that Self-Advertisement Cannot.

Demonstrating our trustworthiness builds relational bridges that self-advertisement cannot. If you sense that your friend, partner, child, client, etc feels hesitant to trust you, let them hesitate. Stay present, validate the experiences that led them to be cautious about who they trust, take responsibility for any of those experiences that you played a role in,…

Adult Attachment Styles – Illustrated Spectrum

  Most psychological measures and scales tend to make us think in black-and-white terms, but I like how this adaptation takes the attachment style grid and transforms it into a spectrum for adult attachment. A spectrum allows space for everyone and each of our unique experiences: experiencing more or less relationship-related anxiety, with a greater…

Disclosing Trauma in New Relationships 101

In a culture where “vulnerability” can sometimes feel like relational currency, it’s easy to fall into a trap of sharing trauma stories before a new relationship has the roots to support it. Especially when we’ve had trauma in past relationships, it can be tempting to “test” new relationships in order to justify leaving or to…

Gottman's 4 Horseman reimagined as a playful visual resource

Gottman’s 4 Horsemen of the Apocalypse – Illustrated Handout

  Dr. John Gottman spent 40 years researching marital stability and theorized these “4 Horsemen of the Apocalypse,” but it only took me a few hours to turn them into angry ponies. While Gottman’s research centers on couples, I think these are applicable to many types of relationships – especially in how parents and their…